Little Black Sheep.

I havent posted in a while.
I'm changing, and I just hope I don't drift away from the people I adore most.
Though, the change, I feel, isn't all bad. Sure, I still have the same breakdowns in my, "I hate the world because they hate me" Shit, but like... I'm realizing that not everybody is who I want them to be.

Wow, is this actually in paragraph form?! HOLY SHIT ITS A MIRACLE.

... Anyways.

I've given a name for myself. It's not horrendous, nor stupid. Little black sheep. You may not like it, but I do. I'm a normal person, controlled by myself, not other clones who have to be emo, or gothic to fit in. I havethem, my best friends, and that's allo that matters. Even in my school of outcasts, I seem to be the only one who isn't fighting to fit in so badly, that they drive theirselves into insanity. If you want to do that... then fine. That doesn't mean I will ignore you, and hate you. It means that you're like everybody else. I won't stop talking to you because the "Jocks" or "Preps" call you uncool.

I recently realized how much my friends matter to me. Even if I had my heart broken, They mean the world to me, and just leaving them would drive me into a state of depression that I don't think anybody could handle. Off to the loonie bin for me.

I can't remember what I was going to put, but all I know is tht I'm cold, and need to hand lucas my linkage. I may post more if I can recover from my brain anurism of writers block.

So this is goodbye for now.

My dad got kicked out of my house, for causing too much stress.
Orion is implying his love for Cas even more, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe. Just knowing he lied and doesn't care about me in the way he said is torture enough.
I miss my best fucking friend Emilia, I haven't talked to her in so long.
My mom called the police due to my father threatening her... I wont be able to see him now.
Dad called my therapist, and told her a lot of things. She had to call children's aid, and I almost got taken ut of my house and home because of that.
I'm being put in the middle of everything, and just thinknig about him makes me want to cry, but I have to do what I know she'll say.
"Build a bridge, and get over it." But she couldn't even come over when I was at my worst. She didn't want to risk being in the middle of it all, for her best friend.
I'm going to admit that I miss Kyrie-Ann so very much. I still hold feelings for her... but she may not hold the same ones for me.
If Sarah comes over this weekend, I hope she brings her whiskey and some Coke-a-cola. Pocky would be good too.
I love fire, Saturday nights in Neon lights, but I'm too scared to do something about it.
My therapist Kathryn told me that a lot of my phobias had to deal with my dad and what he has done before...
He's drinking again. I want to sob and sob, but I know he'll just yell and hit me. Or my mom. So I'll hide in the bathtub, under all of the water, and pretend that I'm really dreaming, leting the music drown out all of the screaming. He'll either end up killing himself, or somebody else. I don't want to remember him as a scary man... but I have good memories too. I promise if he dies, I wont stop crying.
I layed in his bed last night, and didn't want to leave it. I sobbed on his pillows, and wished he didn't cause us so much stress.

๑clara๑ says:
:)
Jesus, I swear, i cant wait for summer.
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
yeah?
๑clara๑ says:
fuck yes
swimming,
going to gage every fucknig day
pictures
tattoos
people with their dogs and kids
jumping in the summer rain puddles and laugh while a little kid does it next to you
run around outside like a moron
scream stuff so random people will want to hurl
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
:)
๑clara๑ says:
family gatherings
the beach
camping
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
summer in Hamilton sounds AMAZING
lol
๑clara๑ says:
sleep overs when you have the biggest water fight ever
mcflurries whilst at gage
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
water fights = oh fuck I need to calm down
๑clara๑ says:
getting up on the park stage, and goof around
KARAOKE!
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
LOL
๑clara๑ says:
busking in gore park
movies
late nights
BRAMPTON
OH MY LORD
britt+me+shelby+booze = tehe1
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
oh my lord
LOL
๑clara๑ says:
running around brampton in your bathing suit
getting lostin the woods
lmfao
good times.
(ee)
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
omg that sounds amazing
:}
๑clara๑ says:
THE DRAG RACES
OH LORD
YAY
sun burns so bad your skin bubbles
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
LOL
๑clara๑ says:
then to come home to a nice cold bed
sleep,
then do it all again tomorrow.
Orion 'The Lucky Three Of Hearts' says:
:)

WHY ARE YOU FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME?
GET YOUR OWN PERSON, CAS IS MINE.
YOU'RE STEALING ALL OF OUR JOKES, ALL OF OUR THINGS WE PLANNED ON DOING.
QUIT RUINING MY LIFE YOU IGNORANT FUCK.
I HATE YOU SO MUCH. YOU HAVE NO CLUE.

Why do I still love you?

Excellence is held within the core of this homosapien.
Mannerly cmes with the package... sometimes.
Intellegent, is her brain.
Love is what she holds dear.
Inploding, what our minds come to after a days worth of sugar.
A great friend she is.

Best friends for ever. ♥♥♥

To Emmi.
Love from ME!

If you kiss my lips, would you taste the sugar-coated frosting still lingering there? Would you suddenly feel differently about me? How would you? How could you? You never cared about me the way I wanted. I never really got what I wanted. I just got the stupid left-overs... all of the bruises shaped like broken hearts. I just found my heart to be shattered, knives being pointed, fists being raised, voices growing more and more loud as time went on.

They never cared when I fell, or rather, they pushed me. I don't think you would care either, if you were the one beating it out of me. But, you didn't really want me, so you wouldn't be beating me. Does that make much sense?








I'll just stop now,
stop all of my worthless babbling that's going through your brain by the speed of light and leaving it just as it came.
Good bye, I love you. I might come back.

10 times I thought of calling him last night.
9 things I thought of to happen in my story, but I haven't written it yet.
8 times I laughed at her, because she tries to be me. She does not succeed.
7, the un-lucky number, the seven deadly sins are upon you.
6 spoonfuls of sugar to keep me happy, to keep me alive. To keep myself from breaking down.
5... the amount of times I recited your ex-lover is dead in my head. I'm not sorry I did so either.
4 times I wanted to pick up my guitar and camera, and make a video, but 4 times I denied myself of that satisfaction. I didn't have batteries.
3... 3 cups I wanted. That was all. Was that too much to ask of you? Apparently so, because we didn't have milk, or tea.
2 things I said to myself, in the depth of darkness, were "I need to replace the lights around my window." & "Maybe his phone is on now..."

1 thing I wanted to do, was call you and tell you that I was fine. Instead, I layed in bed, hoping that you could just know that I was.